


rainclouds

by ohstarling



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-14
Updated: 2013-10-14
Packaged: 2017-12-29 10:34:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1004371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohstarling/pseuds/ohstarling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Don't wait for the storm to pass; learn to dance in the rain."</p>
            </blockquote>





	rainclouds

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [All At Once](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/29105) by msqu.livejournal.com. 



Katie shivered, wrapping her cloak around herself more securely. Though it was the end of June, the night was cold and clear, and she'd been waiting and watching in the stands for several hours now.

He should have been finished by now.

Red sparks had lit up the sky thirty minutes ago, and Katie watched as the officials brought out Viktor Krum. Fleur Delcour had been brought out, unconscious, over an hour ago. That left only Harry and Cedric in the maze. Either way, it was a Hogwarts victory, but Katie wasn't too concerned about who won. She just wanted Cedric to be safe.

Suddenly, a figure appeared on the ground in front of the stands. Katie barely made him out to be Harry before people swarmed around him, hiding him from her sight. She recognised the tall figure of Professor Dumbledore with the Minister moving in the centre of the crowd.

Curious, Katie tried to push through the rest of the spectators. There was a cold feeling in her chest, but she refused to acknowledge it. _Surely it's just from the cold,_ she told herself.

As Katie pressed closer, someone screamed. Gasps rose like smoke from the crowd, swirling into screams and shrieks.

"He's dead!"

"He's dead!"

"Cedric Diggory! Dead!"

"No," Katie whispered. "No, it's not true." Frantic now, she shoved people out of her way, her competitive streak focussed on getting to Harry despite the obstacles. She felt someone grab her elbow and she shrugged off the hand, only to have it grasp her more firmly.

"Katie, stop," Porter said in a low tone, whirling her to face him. Katie stared up at him; his face was deathly white.

"Do you hear what they're saying?" she asked him fiercely, silently pleading with him to deny it. Even as she looked at him, she heard the wailing.

"My boy! My son! Oh, Cedric …"

Katie shut her eyes, tears sliding down her cheeks. Porter pulled her into his arms, his own cheeks wet.

"Please, I want to see him."

"You can't. His parents are there, and the teachers, and …"

"And I was just one of his friends," Katie said dully. Her head swam. As though in a dream, she heard Porter speaking to someone … Ed, probably … and then she was being led somewhere. Her friend Leanne appeared at her side, and the four of them moved to sit in the stands, away from the commotion.

"I don't believe it. I don't believe it," she mumbled over and over. Leanne wrapped an arm around her shoulders while Ed and Porter sat in silence. "We were just together, just today … he kissed me … it can't be true, it just can't …"

_And the worst part is that I have no right to him. He was dating Cho – they were together – Cho never knew that Cedric wanted to break up with her, that he was going to break up with her after the third task. He kissed me, said he loved me, but nobody else knew. I want to scream that Cedric was mine, but I can't. I can't …_

Katie shattered then, her chest heaving with sobs. An outsider would see a girl moved to hysterics at the death of a fellow student, but Ed, Porter, and Leanne knew the truth – her heart was broken.

::

"Katie, come on! You can't just stay here every night. It's not healthy."

"I don't care," Katie said stubbornly, clutching the blanket to her chest. "I don't want to go out, and you know you won't force me."

Leanne sighed. It was like this every week. She'd try to get Katie out of her bed, out of the dorm, but every time, Katie refused. Ever since Cedric died, she'd been like a shadow of her former self. It made Leanne's heart ache to see her best friend like this, but she knew that Katie wouldn't accept help until she wanted it. Even so, Leanne wouldn't give up.

Moving over to the bed, Leanne sank down next to her friend. Chewing her lip, Leanne looked at Katie until she met her gaze.

"Katie," she said softly. "I know you're hurting. I don't know what you're going through, but I can see that you're in pain. I'm just trying to help. Cedric wouldn't want you to be like this. I'm not saying you need to forget about him, but you need to take care of yourself. Please, just think about it, okay?"

Katie's eyes filled with tears the moment Leanne said his name. Deep inside, she knew her friend was right, but doing it was a different thing entirely. Her whole being ached, and she was so tired all the time – tired of hurting, of feeling helpless, of remembering, of forgetting. Sometimes she'd wake up, and for one minute, she'd forget that Cedric was gone. That one minute was wonderful, but as soon as she remembered, the pain returned double-fold. She'd hate herself for forgetting about him, and she'd be terrified that one day she really would forget. Clinging to his memory hurt, but she knew the alternative would hurt more.

"I'm sorry, Leanne," she whispered. "I just can't."

Nodding, Leanne stood up. "Okay. I won't make you."

"I'm sorry."

::

It had been three years since Cedric died. Sometimes Katie would have good days, sometimes even good weeks, and she'd think she was better. But something always happened to pull her down again, and she never knew when that would happen. It was a miserable way to live, but at least she was alive.

Now she avoided her friends. She hadn't seen Leanne in months, and she'd been avoiding Ed and Porter ever since they graduated. She couldn't bear it. Seeing them would only remind her of what she'd almost had, of what she'd lost.

But Katie knew that inevitably, she'd run into one of them again, and it happened sooner that she expected – just shopping in Diagon Alley. As soon as her eyes met Porter's, the ache in her chest intensified, and Katie turned away hurriedly, hoping to avoid a confrontation. But just as he had that awful night, Porter caught her arm.

"Katie," he said simply.

"Hi," whispered Katie. She fiercely fought against the threatening tears. _I will not cry! I will not!_ But as soon as she looked up at his kind, familiar face, she lost the battle.

"Oh, Katie, I miss him too," Porter said.

"How do you stand it?" she asked desperately. "How do you go on, knowing that it could have been so much better if he'd been with you?"

"I don't know," he said. "All I know is that if I don't, I'll be letting him down. I have to go on, because he couldn't. I have to live for him. Every time I think about giving up, that's what I think about."

"Is it weird for that to make complete sense, but for it to be impossible to do?"

Porter chuckled. "No, I don't think that's weird. It's hard to do, really hard. I know I never could have done it without Ed, or without my parents. Nobody can do it on their own, Katie."

"I just miss him so much," she said softly. "It doesn't seem fair to live without him. I keep waiting for it to feel better, but it never does."

"I think sometimes," Porter said slowly, "you have to do things you don't feel like doing, just because it's the right thing to do. And I'm pretty sure that eventually, by doing them, you'll feel better. At least, that's what happened with me."

"I don't know if I can," Katie said. "I feel like I've tried so much before, but nothing's worked. I'm afraid that I won't be able to do it."

"Yeah, I know what that feels like," said Porter. "But that's what friends and family are for – to pick you up when you fall. And I know that getting back up again only makes you stronger."

"You make it sound so easy."

"I've always had a way with words," he joked, and Katie's lips turned up in a fraction of a smile. "But seriously, you need to decide if this is something you want to do. It's hard, I'm not trying to make it sound like it's not, but I know you can do it. You're a strong person, Katie Bell – I just think you've forgotten that."

"I-I think so. I don't really have anyone –"

"Yes, you do. You have me," Porter said firmly.

Katie blushed. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Clearing his throat, Porter stepped back and looked at his watch. "You hungry?"

"Yeah, I am."

"You want to get something to eat?"

"Sure," Katie said, turning toward the door of the shop. "But oh, it's raining. Perhaps we should wait for it to let up."

But Porter tugged her out into the storm. "You can't wait around waiting for the storm to pass! Learn to dance in the rain!" And so saying, he twirled her around. Katie had a funny feeling he wasn't just talking about the weather.

**Author's Note:**

> first posted 15 February 2008


End file.
